some advice from the pros please?

[analdreamer]

I have fantasized about anal play with my wife for ten years of marriage. she claims she is not into it yet she allows me to probe with my finger while i am performing oral on her, and she even moves around to give me better access. yet she will deny it to the end if i try and talk about it with her. I even managed to give her a seductive (and by her body reactions, Welcome) and awesome rimming one night right after a joint shower. she fell down on the bed face first and layed there enjoying the clean sheets. so I proceeded to lay my body on top of her and started kissing her neck and down her back moaning ever so softly to her, and kissing her ass cheeks and the back of her thighs and managed to work my way to her wanting asshole and just worshipped the hell out of it for her to the point where she was pushing against my face and moaning with no attempt to pull away. yet she still denies her enjoyment of this activity and denies me more frequent availability. now I am gone on work for a few months and she needed something to occupy her bed time in my absence so i told her to order herself some toys. of her own accord she ordered herself a double penetration dildo and yet still denies her enjoyment of anal play. I can see that she enjoys this activity to some degree but why does she be so adament about trying to fight it and deny me and or us the enjoyment of endulging the activity with proper enthusiasm. I am lost. any advice would be greatly welcomed.

[dutch]

Get her some toys to enjoy while you are gone. Not just a new vibe or dildo, but a nice anal toy, small buttplug, some lube and Tristan's Book.
She, and anyone else, should learn to enjoy anal on their own before jumping into it with someone.
Sounds like you are doing the right things by letting her enjoy it at her pace and not pushing it. My wife actually got jealous that I was enjoying anal so much, and tried it herself. Currently, she is more into doing it to me, but I have no complaints.
Encourage her, tell her how good she could feel. It also helps to achieve a much more intense orgasm. That was what won my wife over.

[Toy Boy]

Be patient, a previous GF of mine started out the same way. Once she has the courage to admit she likes it, she'll ask for more and more. I savored every moment of it, slowly licking and touching, gently touching and inserting the tip of my finger.

Theres a stigma for many people to say "I love assplay". It took my exGF months before she got to this point, but it was worth the wait. Don't apply pressure, just keep showing her how nice it can be. She'll want more soon enough.

[Mistress D]

...it appears your wife needs to mellow in her own time. My guess is that she's worth the wait.

Evidently her body adores what you're doing to her so I'd say keep up the good work and get right back to it as soon as you return home. Look, you've discovered that a joint shower and clean sheets gets her into a compliant mood; right? Why not take that and build upon it? A massage? Candles? Champagne? Music? DVDs? New toys? You know her.....you probably have a pretty good idea of where to go, from where you've been, too! Try not to over think this and just go with the flow. As with all things anal, patience is critical.

Don't get confused about her buying the double penetration dildo. If anything its a testimony to your skills. A compliment to your efforts. It seems she is giving you every sign that she enjoys what you're doing to her and wants to explore more deeply. Maybe she is planning to "train" her ass as a "welcome home" surprise for you?

Who knows what stigmas lurks in the minds of adults? Seems the ass is a sacred place for all of us. Perhaps she has some issues about her anal sex, hygiene, etc. If you suspect that, and if she's the non-fiction type, Anal Pleasure & Health is a book that will likely go a long way to calming any fears or misinformation she may be harboring.

Dutch advised you get TT's book for her (good advice), a visual junkie myself, I say the next time you're on this site, go to TTs store and have one of TTs DVDs sent to the house as a nice surprise in your absence. You'll know which one she'd like best (if any). Besides, any gift from you while you're away will serve as a reminder of how she is never far from your thoughts - especially the sensual ones. We ladies like that kind of thing. Thoughtfulness is the most effective leg spreader I've ever had used on me.

Why not take her lead and step carefully through the looking glass with her, my friend? Seems to this woman that you've already begun the journey on the right foot.

[dutch]

[quote=Mistress D]... Anal Pleasure & Health is a book that will likely go a long way to calming any fears or misinformation she may be harboring.

Tristans book introduced me to anal, but Anal Pleasure & Health became one of the the main information sources about anal.

[analdreamer]

Thanks for the help everbody, will keep trying the slow and easy method
and look into a book or two. but i fear a little with her denial that she may take the arrival of a book in the wrong way, lets hope not.

[dutch]

I bought it for myself. I knew she was a busy body and would check it out, like she used to look at my porn when I was at work.
Her curiosity might get the better of her.

[Switchme]

I guess my first reaction is: why talk about it at all? Clearly, she enjoys some aspect of this, so go with the flow and don't actually talk the subject. The fact that she selected the toy does not mean she refuses, but for some reason she is reluctant to talk about it.

One other question - not to be pushy - but I wonder have YOU tried it? It might seem a little different to her knowing you did not want anal play on you, but did on her (does that make sense?) If you did try it that might have a different effect. (Please go slow if you do!)

Anal play takes time and a lot of gentleness and patience. I bet over a few months, with her toy and you not saying anything but just gently doing things (for example, "How about we try that new toy you bought?") you will find a lot of joy together.

[analdreamer]

Well, as it just so happens, yes there was another time that i did not mention where we had a little anal foraging with some comunication as well. However she now cleverly does not recall the details of that experience so well she says. I agreed with her that fair play was in order (I did not tell her then that I welcomed it because i was not sure that I did, now I KNOW.) so i let her use her dildo on me to make it fair. and I was quite enthralled with the experience but again she shyed away afterwards from the subject again for a few months or more until i just made my quiet little way about getting back to the light finger carressing during oral again. Now I welcome it with open arms and even try gingerly to get her to use her finger on me while she is giving me blowjobs, but she says she just cant do it, she has a mental block about the whole activity. So alas, i guess I shall continue on with my slow and steady approach although the patience is killing me, maybe, just maybe, lol, that just makes each little boundary i get past that much more of a reward for me. wish me luck!

[Tessa]

Dreamer ..

I can almost 100% relate to your wife. My first anal experience (many, many years ago) was horrible and I never wanted anyone to go there again.

Then I met my current SO .. who brought up the subject. He started "sneeking" fingers and tongue around my ass during sex .. gauging my reaction I gather. It felt pretty darn good, so I didn't stop him.

After a bit, he asked if I was interested in anal sex .. well .. I can tell you, my reaction was as if someone had jabbed me with a red hot poker .. I was sitting on the coach and literally jumped up and said "no way, can't .. hurts .. tried it once .. hated it .. etc.. etc..

He said he thought that since I liked stimulation there .. I'd be into it. That kinda got me thinking. Did I really like anal stimulation? Was it possible? Me? I couldn't really deny that I did enjoy the sensation, I mean, he's the one doing it and he sees my reaction.

So I secretly ordered Tristan's book about anal sex .. read it cover to cover in one night. Then .. read it again .. and again. I realized several things ..

1. One bad experience should not dictate future experiences.
2. That anal sex wasn't just for porn stars and "nasty" girls.
3. That most of my issues were more mental and fear motivated.

I ended up showing him the book and he actually took it home with him and read it too. I also purchased a very slim vibrator to "experiment" with .. I guess I wanted to see if it was something I could actually do.

Anyway .. long story short .. one day I just made the decision to go for it. It was more of a mental "I'm going to at least give it a shot".

Fast forward to present .. I now have no problem initiating anal sex .. and I do enjoy it. Not all the time, and not every time .. but when the mood is right .. everything works beautifully.

It took about two months of me thinking about it before actually doing it, and its taken me another 2 or 3 months to come to the realization that I like it .. at first I really didn't want to admit that. It can be hard to admit to yourself that you enjoy something that society has labeled as "bad .. dirty .. nasty .. etc".

I still blush furiously if my SO teases me about it .. which he loves to do. I know inside .. his male ego is pounding its chest in conquest .. "I'm the ONE who got her to LIKE anal" .. and I let him have this, although not entirely true.

Good luck in your adventure .. getting there can lots and lots of fun!!