A 44 Year Old Virgin

NightDiver · 01-01-2008, 05:32 PM

I am 44 years old and I am a virgin. When I was younger, I was a momma's boy, I was an only child and was not allowed to go anywhere unless my mother could also follow. Friends weren't comfortable coming over to my house and I never really had a chance to date girls. My mother controlled every free moment of my day and night. She was always there or keeping track of me.

When I finally escaped to college I made sure that I was 100 miles away from home. I went crazy with all the parties... It was the first time I could really freely do what I want. I spent those years drinking myself silly... There were women there, but I had no idea how to approach them... so I got drunk.

In my 20's and 30's women sensed that there was something odd about me. I got nervous around women and did not know how to act. Women I tried to get close to quizzed me about past relationships and my sexual experience... If I was honest they freaked out and left. If I lied, they sensed something was wrong and left. While all my friends were getting laid, I was wondering what it would be like to kiss a woman on the lips.

I haven't dated in over 10 years now. I don't like lying to women and I can't fake experience. I am absolutely not gay, I am attracted to women, but lately my fantasies have gone more from sex with a woman to being sexually dominated by a woman... I guess that fantasy is easier as I'd be taking orders as opposed to taking charge. What I'm discovering is that there are very few women who enjoy dominating men... most dominant women are professionals who care about you only while you are paying...sigh!

My question is what should I do? Could I possibly meet a woman who would understand and be patient with me?

wood · 01-01-2008, 08:14 PM

I don't think meeting women is easy at all. Or rather, meeting one that you might want to be intimate with, that you don't scare, or who doesn't scare you. I haven't been out on a date either for almost two years. I'd rather spend my time and money on other things than that rent factor. Craigs list is a good anonymous way to meet people. Well, I don't know that it is, but I've heard it is. I'm on CL all the time, for other stuff.

anophile · 01-02-2008, 07:31 PM

Have you considered using one of the adult dating services? You could talk honestly about your background and what you'd like in a woman. I'm willing to be that there's someone out there for you. You'd have the advantage that you situation would be out in the open before you even met and you wouldn't feel like you had to play games.

NightDiver · 01-03-2008, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anophile

Have you considered using one of the adult dating services?

Yes, I have been a member of Adult Friend Finder and I didn't find any woman there who was particularly interested in meeting a virgin. Most of the women there want to find a tall, handsome, well endowed guy with lots of experience. And I consider myself um... ruggedly handsome!

I am currently a member of Alt.com and it seems that most of the women are submissive and they are looking for tall, handsome, well endowed doms with lots of experience. The women who are Dominant are primarily professional women who request a "tribute" for sessions. There are a few non-professional Dommes, but there is a huge community of guys trying to get their attention! Besides, true D/s is not about sex, it's about control through sexual power, in fact, it usually involves tease and denial... I think that's pretty hot, but it's not really what I need right now.... Maybe later!

In general, I'd be thrilled with a woman who simply loves sex, can't get enough of it and is willing to show a dorky guy how to do it right! She doesn't have to be leather-clad and have a whip!

...Say, did you mean escort services? What guy hasn't considered that? I'm not sure if paying a woman for an hour of hot sex would leave me in better mental condition. I think I would be depressed after I realized my hour was up and this isn't reality.... Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe that is something I should explore?

Switchme · 01-03-2008, 12:50 PM

Firstly, I would like to tell you something really important about yourself. Get close. Ready? Good.

You are OKAY. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are a GOOD person with desirable qualities. Do you hear this? Please - tell yourself this as often as you can. Seriously. Don't let the cultural engine mow you down.

Now, as to suggestions....

I'm an alt person too. Both that and adultfriendfinder are party to a large class action suit against them about serious privacy violations - placing spyware on user computers. Your choice. I plan to bail end of the month. I won't ramble about why I think these places are not good bets... I'll just suggest - start slow, be gentle to yourself. you deserve it.

There is someone out there who will enjoy being with you, really. I think you might want to consider other venues. And where you look might depend a bit on what your priorities are - friendship, love, sex, etc.

Perhaps start with a local paper - many have good classifieds. (I would not, btw, spend too much time on Craig's List for that - there are more scammers than real people - you need REAL people.)

I'd urge you to play with something called OKCupid.com. Don't go in expecting to get laid in hours

, but rather, try it out as a kind of gentle approach to being who YOU are in that online persona mode. See how you "match". It's free. Low key, simple. If you get a few matches that look interesting, send an email. What's the worst that could happen? They don't reply. Eh - no biggie. Their loss!

A few important "rules":

- Be totally honest about who you are. My own personal proclivity in this kind of thing is to put 99% of myself up there. I change the birth date (ESP. in ALL paid sites!!) just enough to be close, but not to have the real thing - security (I'm serious about this). You share that @ first contact. Other than that, and your real name, you put who you are. You can play with it. You might not want to say it like you do here, but what do you like? dislike? Work? Play? Fun?
- Manage your expectations. Don't go in to this kind of activity with loaded expectations - you will get hurt. Have fun with it, don't take any of it personally. Remember that the entire realm of online communications suffers from the *serious* problem of no body language. It is EASY to miscue. Don't ever say anything you wouldn't want to say in real life. Never reply immediately - sleep on it.

And don't forget: YOU ARE OKAY as a person!!!! And I want to hear from you if you start going down the dark path and telling yourself you are not!

And then I want to hear from you when you have a fun time. The rest will flow, believe me.

NightDiver · 01-04-2008, 12:17 AM

Well, so far I'm surprised. I expected to be flamed for my honest post and so far some pretty cool people have responded! Thanks for the advice folks and keep it coming!

EvilDave · 01-04-2008, 07:44 PM

This is going to sound bad, but her it goes.

If women get turned off with you being a virgin, then LIE. Once you get her into the sack, fuck the hell out of her, and then spill the beans.

If lying isn't your thing, try Craigslist. I'm sure there are women in your town who would be delighted to bust your cherry.

NightDiver · 01-05-2008, 12:12 AM

Hey Dave, I've considered that approach, but no matter how many porno's I've watched I'm going to be awkward and do some dorky stuff. The first time is pretty much guaranteed to be lousy for her... She's going to know something is wrong. I'd really rather have a woman who is patient and instructional the first few times.

When I think back about my friends losing their virginity in their teens, that's actually the best time because both you and her have little or no experience, but both of you are trying hard to make it work!

solo · 01-06-2008, 01:50 AM

[quote=NightDiver]Well, so far I'm surprised. I expected to be flamed for my honest post

to get harped on for what you might ask and post are these forums thats why i love em so much. dont worry like the others have been saying youre prob a nice guy who just hasent found the right one yet. thats no big deal, she'll come along they always do, i feel im kinda in youre shoes just a tad younger and for a while worried if id be alone forever. and it was driving me crazy i cant imagine its any easier for you, but you just gotta keep on livin and keep on trying. good luck and just always be yourself, dont fake the funk for anyone.

ding wa · 01-06-2008, 05:48 PM

do not tell a woman you never had sex. make some bs up.you have to start some where as far as gettin use to talkin and being with woman. start going on dates with with any one your not lookin for marriage just company.say hello, goodmorning, to woman on the street.dont be afraid you have to persue the internet is a good place to find people to talk to .an escort isnt bad if you can to feel what it is like to have some one touching you .a woman is gonna now that you are not experienced try to follow there lead they. pretty much decide when they want to fuck a sex therapest could be helpful there so much to say goodluck

01-01-2008, 05:32 PM	#1
NightDiver Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: I live in Westchester County, NY Posts: 6	A 44 Year Old Virgin I am 44 years old and I am a virgin. When I was younger, I was a momma's boy, I was an only child and was not allowed to go anywhere unless my mother could also follow. Friends weren't comfortable coming over to my house and I never really had a chance to date girls. My mother controlled every free moment of my day and night. She was always there or keeping track of me. When I finally escaped to college I made sure that I was 100 miles away from home. I went crazy with all the parties... It was the first time I could really freely do what I want. I spent those years drinking myself silly... There were women there, but I had no idea how to approach them... so I got drunk. In my 20's and 30's women sensed that there was something odd about me. I got nervous around women and did not know how to act. Women I tried to get close to quizzed me about past relationships and my sexual experience... If I was honest they freaked out and left. If I lied, they sensed something was wrong and left. While all my friends were getting laid, I was wondering what it would be like to kiss a woman on the lips. I haven't dated in over 10 years now. I don't like lying to women and I can't fake experience. I am absolutely not gay, I am attracted to women, but lately my fantasies have gone more from sex with a woman to being sexually dominated by a woman... I guess that fantasy is easier as I'd be taking orders as opposed to taking charge. What I'm discovering is that there are very few women who enjoy dominating men... most dominant women are professionals who care about you only while you are paying...sigh! My question is what should I do? Could I possibly meet a woman who would understand and be patient with me?

01-06-2008, 01:50 AM	#9
solo Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 68	last place ever [quote=NightDiver]Well, so far I'm surprised. I expected to be flamed for my honest post to get harped on for what you might ask and post are these forums thats why i love em so much. dont worry like the others have been saying youre prob a nice guy who just hasent found the right one yet. thats no big deal, she'll come along they always do, i feel im kinda in youre shoes just a tad younger and for a while worried if id be alone forever. and it was driving me crazy i cant imagine its any easier for you, but you just gotta keep on livin and keep on trying. good luck and just always be yourself, dont fake the funk for anyone.

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01-01-2008, 08:14 PM	#2
wood Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: out west Posts: 241	I don't think meeting women is easy at all. Or rather, meeting one that you might want to be intimate with, that you don't scare, or who doesn't scare you. I haven't been out on a date either for almost two years. I'd rather spend my time and money on other things than that rent factor. Craigs list is a good anonymous way to meet people. Well, I don't know that it is, but I've heard it is. I'm on CL all the time, for other stuff.

01-02-2008, 07:31 PM	#3
anophile Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 55	Have you considered using one of the adult dating services? You could talk honestly about your background and what you'd like in a woman. I'm willing to be that there's someone out there for you. You'd have the advantage that you situation would be out in the open before you even met and you wouldn't feel like you had to play games.

01-03-2008, 12:50 PM	#5
Switchme Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 34	Firstly, I would like to tell you something *really important* about yourself. Get close. Ready? Good. You are OKAY. There is NOTHING wrong with you. You are a GOOD person with desirable qualities. Do you hear this? Please - tell yourself this as often as you can. Seriously. Don't let the cultural engine mow you down. Now, as to suggestions.... I'm an alt person too. Both that and adultfriendfinder are party to a large class action suit against them about serious privacy violations - placing spyware on user computers. Your choice. I plan to bail end of the month. I won't ramble about why I think these places are not good bets... I'll just suggest - start slow, be gentle to yourself. you deserve it. There is someone out there who will enjoy being with you, really. I think you might want to consider other venues. And where you look might depend a bit on what your priorities are - friendship, love, sex, etc. Perhaps start with a local paper - many have good classifieds. (I would not, btw, spend too much time on Craig's List for that - there are more scammers than real people - you need REAL people.) I'd urge you to play with something called OKCupid.com. Don't go in expecting to get laid in hours , but rather, try it out as a kind of gentle approach to being who YOU are in that online persona mode. See how you "match". It's free. Low key, simple. If you get a few matches that look interesting, send an email. What's the worst that could happen? They don't reply. Eh - no biggie. Their loss! A few important "rules": - Be *totally honest* about who you are. My own personal proclivity in this kind of thing is to put 99% of myself up there. I change the birth date (ESP. in ALL paid sites!!) just enough to be close, but not to have the real thing - security (I'm serious about this). You share that @ first contact. Other than that, and your real name, you put who you are. You can play with it. You might not want to say it like you do here, but what do you like? dislike? Work? Play? Fun? - Manage your expectations. Don't go in to this kind of activity with loaded expectations - you will get hurt. Have fun with it, don't take any of it personally. Remember that the entire realm of online communications suffers from the serious problem of no body language. It is EASY to miscue. Don't ever say anything you wouldn't want to say in real life. Never reply immediately - sleep on it. And don't forget: YOU ARE OKAY as a person!!!! And I want to hear from you if you start going down the dark path and telling yourself you are not! And then I want to hear from you when you have a fun time. The rest will flow, believe me.

01-04-2008, 12:17 AM	#6
NightDiver Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: I live in Westchester County, NY Posts: 6	Well, so far I'm surprised. I expected to be flamed for my honest post and so far some pretty cool people have responded! Thanks for the advice folks and keep it coming!

01-04-2008, 07:44 PM	#7
EvilDave Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 67	This is going to sound bad, but her it goes. If women get turned off with you being a virgin, then LIE. Once you get her into the sack, fuck the hell out of her, and then spill the beans. If lying isn't your thing, try Craigslist. I'm sure there are women in your town who would be delighted to bust your cherry.

01-05-2008, 12:12 AM	#8
NightDiver Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: I live in Westchester County, NY Posts: 6	Hey Dave, I've considered that approach, but no matter how many porno's I've watched I'm going to be awkward and do some dorky stuff. The first time is pretty much guaranteed to be lousy for her... She's going to know something is wrong. I'd really rather have a woman who is patient and instructional the first few times. When I think back about my friends losing their virginity in their teens, that's actually the best time because both you and her have little or no experience, but both of you are trying hard to make it work!

01-06-2008, 05:48 PM	#10
ding wa Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 3	do not tell a woman you never had sex. make some bs up.you have to start some where as far as gettin use to talkin and being with woman. start going on dates with with any one your not lookin for marriage just company.say hello, goodmorning, to woman on the street.dont be afraid you have to persue the internet is a good place to find people to talk to .an escort isnt bad if you can to feel what it is like to have some one touching you .a woman is gonna now that you are not experienced try to follow there lead they. pretty much decide when they want to fuck a sex therapest could be helpful there so much to say goodluck